OS Airlines

This article was contributed by Rich `Lego-Master' Jesse

Amiga Airline

The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff. For the more adventurous: travelers can travel on multiple planes and visit multiple destinations all at the same time. During these multiple plane trips the user can even take a side trip on Mac, DOS, Unix, or Windows airlines.

DOS Airline

Everybody pushes the airplane until it glides, then jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again, then push again, jump on again and so on.

DOS with QEMM Airline

The same thing but with more leg room to push.

Mac Airline

All the stewards, stewardesses, captains, baggage handlers, and ticket agents look the same, act the same, and talk the same. Every time you ask questions about details, you are told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without you having to know, so just shut up.

MPE Airline

It's a little difficult to get a ticket because you have to sign up for the right plane, specify you want a seat to sit in, identify each piece of baggage and list it on your ticket, and once you enter the plane you may never see the same steward/ess twice. However, once the plane takes off, the ride is exceptionally smooth and usually on-time, unless you cross a timezone (this results in your being placed in a holding pattern for 1 hour until the plane's clock and the local clocks are synchronized). Should the unthinkable happen and your flight ends in a crash, you will be magically whisked back to the origin of the flight where you will be placed on the next plane out.

OS/2 Airline

To board the plane, you have your ticket stamped ten different times by standing in ten different lines. Then you fill out a form showing where you want to sit and whether it should look and feel like an ocean liner, a passenger train, or a bus. If you succeed in getting on board the plane and the plane succeeds in getting off the ground, you have a wonderful trip...except for the times when the rudder and flaps get frozen in position, in which case you have time to say your prayers and get yourself prepared before the crash.

Windows Airline

The airport terminal is nice and colorful, with friendly stewards and stewardesses, easy access to the plane, an uneventful takeoff...then the plane blows up without any warning whatsoever.

NT Airline

Everyone marches out on the runway, says the password in unison, and forms the outline of an airplane. Then they all sit down and make a whooshing sound like they're flying.

Unix Airline

Everyone brings one piece of the plane with them when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing constantly about what kind of plane they're building.

OpenVMS Airline

Security to get on the plane can be tight, but once you get on, everyone has their own roomy area (depending on your pilot, of course). You sit down in a comfortable roomy seat, and brace yourself for the launch to warp by the powerful Alpha/AXP engines. You enjoy looking out your first-class DEC-and-X-windows at the other planes flying haplessly in circles below. You feel almost guilty that they are limited to the Earth's atmosphere, except for the Amiga, which is just off your port wing. :) You enjoy witty, scintillating conversations with other passengers, and even other planes of almost any type. But the plane is too fast, and the air traffic controller doesn't want to let you leave the country "for National Security". Then you realize that your boss has you bumped from first-class to coach where your client PC's are all contemplating closing their eyes, shouting "Geronimo!", and jumping ship without a parachute, hoping to land on a Unix plane without crashing it...

Comments to: Martin P.J. Zinser
Last modified: 20010401